research paper draft 8

I need hep with finishing the paper draft with a writing sample which is the file I uploaded. And the following is the requirement of the research paper:

A. All Papers:

• Must strictly follow APA Style guidelines.

• Will likely need to be between 15-20 pages in length. Papers are not graded on length.

• Must reference at least 15 articles (primary sources). You will likely need more sources to learn about your topic and these additional references may be secondary sources.

B. Individual Interest Option Papers must satisfy A. and also:

• Relate to a personal or occupational interest of yours.

• Be informed by extra reading or contact with people working in your area of interest. The most common way to satisfy this requirement will be for you to read a book written by a psychologist for a general audience (not a textbook) or to interview at least 3 professionals working in an area of interest to you (a great opportunity to network). You must have your choice to satisfy this requirement approved by your Section Leader.

• Describe the book you chose to read or your expert interviews, explaining how they have contributed to your understanding and your paper. This will most naturally be done using first person narrative. Since this will be different from the voice of the rest of your paper, plan to place this section in an appendix. Suggestions for thoughtful reflection can be found in the Reflection Questions for Individual Interests Students document in the Writing Aids block of our course site.

• The questions for your interviews are not predetermined nor is the length or format specified. The questions should be planned by you to probe areas related to the literature review you are writing, for example, direct experiences of the things being explored in research. Unplanned questions will likely also occur to you during the interview. For your appendix, an overview with paraphrasing is fine. If you get some interesting material you’d like to quote, either in the appendix or in the body of your paper, you may do that. If you use the material, quotes, examples or general information, in your paper you should use in-text citations and include reference info in your bibliography.

( My interviews with the professionals is ongoing so I will post the interviews record later before the due time, please finish the other part of the paper first)

And the following is the comments of my writing sample, please review it and make the changes in the paper draft.

Title Page and Reference Section:

Double check the running head formatting rules.
Make sure your references are in APA format. You are missing many key details for some of your references. See this link if you need help:

Thesis Statement

This is a good start to your thesis. Can you be clearer about the relationship between self-concept and career choice? Does positive self concept mainly increase one’s belief in capability about career choice or does it affect career choice in other ways?

Writing Sample

This is a nice start to this section! Overall, I would keep an eye on how each sentence in a paragraph relates to the topic sentence of the paragraph, how each paragraph relates to each section, and how everything ties in with your thesis. Think about adding sentences to introduce your topics as well.

It is unusual to reference your thesis in your first sentence of your paper since your thesis hasn’t been introduced yet. How else may you start your paper?

Where are your citations in this section?

I am having some difficulty understanding what you are trying to say in some of your sentences. For example, in the sentence, “From the source of different sources, there is a positive trend in job values and the correlation between college students,” what is the trend? I recommend going to SELS for help proofreading your paper.

How do these sentences support perceived self-identification and personal values: “Most of the studies found that using quantitative and qualitative data that students were more likely to express greater interest in career fields that piqued their interest when they were prepared to do so by engaging in activities that prepared them.”

Think about your organization. Your ideas should naturally flow and logically progress. You need to provide enough details about background constructs before going into specific details about relationships.

Try to make your topic sentences relate specifically to the content of the paragraph it is introducing.

In your last paragraph, can you more clearly tie self-identification with commitment and career choice? Your readers are going to have less familiarity than you so you will want to make sure your review paper is comprehensible to readers with all degrees of expertise about your topic.

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